life is wonderful and grand even though it can be so cruel and harsh.

i worked very hard at being good and not vengeful or mean to those that have done wrong to me. and i was right it pays off.  i had almost lost faith in humanity after the last 2 1/2 years of torture that my x had put me through. sometimes i felt i couldnt face tomorrow for my pain was so great and all consuming. after he took my kids  i had no purpose no reason for breathing but the thought of leaving my children without a mother was much more terrifying than the pain i endured daily.

i kept believing that somehow someway god had to make things right. even though many days came and went and i cursed him, screamed and yelled how could he turn his back on me and my babies. i'd wake up in the night (i still do) crying for my children and it hurts but within the next 2 weeks they will be with me. i couldnt see his plan through all my pain. no matter how i tried to understand i just couldnt. i couldnt fathom what i had done to deserve the evil doings of my x and his parents. people i had never harmed nor hurt. people that i loved and just wanted to make them proud of me. people that wanted to rub me out of my childrens life. didnt they see that they were only doing harm to themselves in the long run. the children started to loathe them long before they were ripped from me. and there i was the never ending fount of forgiveness telling the boys people make mistakes and we forgive. trying to repair the inevitable damage that they were causing. 

as hard as it was i just kept thinking it cant end this way. karma has to come full circle.

at last it has. my x is going to prison for sure (he just couldnt stop the drinking and driving) he's facing 10 years (aggrivated dui's).  i get my kids back and i got my house and i have this new life growing inside me that i already love and cherish.

the father of the baby had a car accident and has passed. its truly sad for his family. and i wish them all the peace they deserve, but god has a plan even if we cant see it when we are hurting.

to all of you out there going through hard and painful times it will get better. the more good you do for others is key. even when you have nothing you have love, and time to share with someone who needs it. thats the only thing that i found peace in. the desire to help others even when i had nothing i shared whatever i had. and sometime its nothing more than giving away the watch you are wearing to the little girl in the line in front of you that declares how much she likes your skirt.  or having a favorite pair of earrings and a friend asking to buy them from you and you give them to her (not for money)but for the simple reason it made her happy. i learned along time ago that material possessions are only that and favorite things come and go but the happiness you bestowed apon a person will stay with you a life time. and that is worth so much more than an $11000 21 jewel swiss watch that you exchange to an underprivileged 15 yr old for a research paper about the watch. i knew when i gave him that watch that i was giving money up (but i only paid $4 for it) and knowing that this kid who had nothing was going to wear that watch to school the next day and for once he was going to feel the confidence that every child should feel every single day. i felt great about that decision after all he worked for it. he went home researched the history of it, wrote up a paper and presented it to me in lieu of payment. what a fine trade that was.

im getting carried away but my point being no matter how little you have you always have enough to give.  take it from me ive had everything, lost it all  and even though im not monetarily rich im the wealthiest person i know. and im grateful.

have a wonderful evening 

Hi Edna, I just thought about cancercare.org, its worth applying for assistance, in fact they helped me with some financial assistance, and maybe they can connect you to some other resources. Here is the link: http://www.cancercare.o rg/get_help/assistance/index.p hp I found out about them through the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Additionally, contact the American Cancer Society in your area if you have not done so. I pray they can help, and I concur so much with what are you saying. Many people need help who are without insurance, who work, or just hitting hard times...we should not let people die needlessly, or force them into emergency rooms as a last recourse. Continue to press on, and fight. May God grant His strength to go through this, healed and whole again, in Jesus name, Amen *Edna, the link keeps breaking up, and i tried to edit this, but it does not take, just try http://www.cancercare.org and probe from their to the financial assistance section

Thank you for all your comments & prayers, it mean a lot for me. I am trying to approach our government health offices, they are also helping us look for sponsors, they don't have much fund to finance my medication. I was totally dismayed to be honest with our government.I've heared about in US or other countries, they're government are really accomodating to help their citizens who are sick, they can rceive medication without spending a single penny. But here, you cant even enter a hospital without downpayment. It will be better for me to go to non-government organizations, i think they can help me better. Thank you.

Lord, Please heal Edna. Remove this plague far from her. Make her totally whole. Give her a miraculous healing. Provide for all of her needs. Amen.

I just seen your post, and I too was in a similar dilemma, with stage III uterine cancer, no money, and no insurance. I dont have any money I can send you, believe me, i wish i could send it. Go to your state departement of human services, and ask for medical assistance--then apply for disability. When I took these two steps, I was able to get treatment for the cancer with no insurance or money upfront. I told the hospitals and doctors my "Medicaid was pending" every time they ask about insurance or a payment. A social worker at the hospital informed to take these steps, and if I were you, I would talk to the social worker at your hospital about any charity programs they might have. No one offered to tell me these things, I had to dig it out, but it worked for me, and I was approved for medical assistance. God bless and you are in my prayers.

I raised my child alone,I work 2 jobs just to raise my daughter. Two years ago a tumor was discovered in my breast, i tried to ignore it but it grows bigger until the doctor advised me for a removal. Last year i had an operation,the tumor was removed here in our local hospital, the tumor was sent to the city for a biopsy. The doctor told me that the result is cancerous. A chemotheraphy is needed because the cancer has the possibility to spread all over my body.I just ignored it because i know it's impossible for me to raise $5000 just for the chemotheraphy sessions (excluding medicines,transportation expenses & allowance to stay in big city because we dont have chemotherapy here in the province), i continued to work for us to survive until last December that i felt weak and began to notice swells in my head & my stomach. I become weaker & weaker each day. I dont know where to ask for help until i heared this site from my cousin. I want to fight the cancer for my daughter, I was wrong when i gave up, i know its not yet too late for me to undergo medications. My life is in your hands, for those who read this, im begging you to help me. Im knocking to your hearts, please share even a small amount for my medication.Pls. email me to show your support in any way. Please contact me with my cousins number +639173065231, we dont have a phone at home, she's the one encourage me & told me not to be ashame to beg here. Im very hopeful that there are people with good hearts out there and are very willing to share their blessings! May you be blessed by a sevenfold times because of your kind and generous heart!(pix above is our place, a peaceful place in Southern Leyte)